I hate how everyone that sees my tumblr instantly has to say something. Like, yeah, thanks for caring and all that, really. But it personal to me. My boyfriend, best friend, and my parents know everything.

And I’m assuming quite a few people know the things I post. I’m getting better, along with that I am better. I do have a few moments and breakdowns every now and then but it’s normal to me.

I’m fine and there’s no reason someone new along the way needs to say they’re “worried” about me. And it bothers me that some people post that they’re worried about what they see over facebook, like I need a lot more people knowing…

I don’t know what to feel right now. Every time I eat, I feel so freaking fat. I don’t even like eating… Not because of the whole “need to be skinny” thing, but I seriously don’t like eating.

I’m jealous of the girls that post pictures on Facebook and Instagram of themselves in a bikini. Or even short shorts, tank tops, dresses, etc. My mom ordered me 2 tank tops and 2 pairs of shorts the other day. I hate my arms, my thighs, also my legs. I’m afraid that when I try them on I’m going to absolutely hate them. Just because they’ll be “tight” or just won’t look right on me, just like all my other clothes.

I just want to throw up.

I hate it when my mom tries. She told me it looks like I’ve lost weight. We all know I haven’t. I’ve checked, I haven’t and I’m not going to.

And we somehow got onto the topic of tank tops and tube tops. She says they’ll look “cute” on me. She never stops lying. I told her I don’t like my arms and I showed her my arm. Apparently there’s nothing wrong but when I look at it, there’s a million things wrong.

And now I have that feeling and small pain in my throat from holding back the crying. All I’m ever good for is crying now. I’ve had 4 breakdowns this week. I hate summer. I hate being alone. I hate my thoughts. I hate my body. I hate myself, being fat. I hate the girls who think they’re so fat when they’re obviously skinny. It’s not fair.